Always Good News

It’s true.  Don’t we all?  How could we not?  I remember a time in my life when I didn’t know Matt Harp personally.  I had only heard his name shouted in the Middle School hallways, listened to whispered secrets about his musical prowess, watched as girls of all ages fawned and swooned over his athleticism.  That was only the beginning.  Read on to learn all about our hero…

Matt Harp, the formative years

From a very young age, Matthew Dale Harp showed an innate ability to hum the tune of any NSYNC song perfectly, and completely from memory.  His parents, recognizing the potential goldmine that was their son, quickly began schooling him in the musical ways of other greats such as Backstreet Boys and Jennifer Lopez.  Eventually, Matt landed an audition with upcoming musical stars Hanson, but, due to a height dissimilarity, the band rejected him.

Although young Matt saw this as a major setback, he never lost heart.  His diminutive size proved a boon to him as he developed a superior running ability while fleeing playground bullies.  Later, his running skill would be useful for avoiding groups of underaged female fans.

Throngs of (very) young ladies swarmed the stage at every La Harpe concert

High school was a difficult time for Matt.  All of his girlfriends were still in grade school, and he required a discarded milk crate in order to reach the combination lock on his locker.  Matt looked to some upper-classmen for support and guidance, particularly in his Biology class, but was shunned.  Distressed, Matt soon fell in with the wrong crowd.  They formed the Diamond High School Glee Club/Upper East-West CxCx Cutthroats.  This gang terrorized the area surrounding Joplin, MO for over four years.

The Diamond High School Glee Club/Upper East-West CxCx Cutthroats. Faces blurred to protect other members.

It was during this time that Matt fell into drug use.  Each night after school he hallucinated a perfect life for himself.  His various rebellions eventually became too much for his parents to take, and he was sent to the streets.  In these turbulent days Matt coined his most famous insidious catch phrase, “Leave me alone, please.”  His appearance also suffered.

Matt's years on the street stretched long and hopeless.

Near the end of Matt’s high school career, he left the gang and returned home to his parents.  By this time, they already had a new son to replace Matt, but they reluctantly let him back into their home.  Matt also made “friends” with several of his teachers, and thus found his grades improving at a rapid pace.

Matt also formed a lifelong friendship with a fellow student named James, with whom Matt had much in common.  James helped Matt rekindle his passion for running, and Matt found his popularity exploding among the high school as he claimed the silver medal in the special olympics.  Matt’s tongue lolled across his chin as he gazed with pride at the crowd that chanted his name when he crossed the finish line.

Matt was honored at a pep rally following his silver-medal finish.

More of Matt's fans and supporters.

Matt’s life began to take shape when, due to a transcription error, he was accepted to Drury University.  There, his peers and professors took his severe drug-induced autism as a unique expression of his personality, and he became immensely popular.  Unfortunately, Matt’s health faltered as his drug use caught up with him, and he was forced to abandon his running career.  Music became his primary focus.

Despite debilitating back spasms, Matt continued to perform with various bands.

Matt eventually graduated from Drury University and currently resides in Springfield, MO.  He continues his musical career by night and keeps in daily contact with his sponsors, by means of an email chain created specifically for that purpose.  He also spends a lot of time playing Halo, as he has found that it helps calm his racing, drug-addled thoughts.  He currently has a full-time nurse named Andrea who takes care of most of his needs.  His story is one of courage, diligence, and awe-inspiring natural talent.

Matt Harp, present.