David Barwick
Eric Staal
I used to like Eric Staal, but then I found out that a certain girl I know used to have a big, fat crush on him. Since that time, I’ve been out to prove that I’m better than he is, and today I’ll do it. Without further ado, here’s the round-by-round fight to the finish.
David Barwick vs Eric Staal
Age Barwick: 26 Staal: 24
Advantage: Barwick
Height Barwick: 6 ft Staal: 6 ft, 4 in
Advantage: Staal
Weight Barwick: 150 lbs Staal: 205 lbs
Advantage: Barwick
Occupation Barwick: Student, Slot Attendant Staal: Professional Hockey player
Advantage: Tie
2009 Projected Earnings Barwick: $37,000 Staal: $8,200,000
Advantage: Staal
Hobbies Barwick: Hockey, Writing, Tech News Staal: NHL All-Star Game
Advantage: Staal
Looks Barwick: Handsome Staal: Goofy
Advantage: Barwick
Build Barwick: Lithe and fast Staal: Bulky and dumb
Advantage: Barwick
Notable achievements Barwick: 3.3 GPA, Former local rock musician Staal: 2006 Stanley Cup Winner
Advantage: Tie
As you can see, it was a hard-fought battle, but I managed to pull ahead with a score of 4-3 with 2 ties. I hope this puts to rest any doubts about who is the better man between the two of us. To Eric Staal: I know you didn’t ask to be compared to me, but you can hold your head high after your worthy performance in today’s contest. You gave me a run for my money, and you should be proud.
If you add in your puck-off 2008 championship combined with the gpa and former rock musician you might actually have a slight edge in the notable achievements category.
I hadn’t thought of that! Eat my shorts, Staal.